• Life Hacks: Better Call Jimbo

    Life Hacks: Better Call Jimbo

    It was a sad day when I had to tell my 100 year old great grandma that she could no longer play with Legos. Keeping over 1000 butterflies in your trunk is a magical way to confuse a cop when he asks to search your car. You can’t blame every fart on the dog. Pregnant

  • Life Hacks: Heat Stroke

    Life Hacks: Heat Stroke

    “That dresser is from Ikea!” – A woman watching porn. If you knock on my door and try to sell me something, I’m probably going to try and keep you for a few days. It’s almost as if Cialis commercials WANT me to bang a senior citizen! The CONstitution sounds so negative. Why not call

  • Life Hacks: Uncomfortably Hot

    Life Hacks: Uncomfortably Hot

    “This is the ride that killed Billy.” – said in line at every amusement park ride. Just read an article about the dangers of fatty foods that really scared me so I’m making a life changing decision…no more reading! It’s bad luck to see your bride before the wedding. It’s not so great luck to

  • Life Hacks: Midsummer Night’s Nightmare

    Life Hacks: Midsummer Night’s Nightmare

    Why, when my kids want me to do something with them and I don’t feel like it, does “Cat’s in the Cradle” begin to play in my head? When I die, I want people to say of me, “Man, he sure owed me a lot of money!” Every relationship contains at least 1 crazy person.

  • Happy 239th Birthday USA!

    Happy 239th Birthday USA!

    If you need to take a break from shotgunning Budweisers and pissing on the flags of other countries, here are a whole bunch of videos that celebrate just how fuckin’ awesome the U.S. of fuckin’ A really is! YEEEAHH VCXBhdsf udsjov Please remember to chug your beers responsibly and pass out in your buddy’s bathtub

  • Life Hacks: Born on the First of July

    Life Hacks: Born on the First of July

    I hope you don’t look too deeply into the fact that I flipped over your sofa cushions and left your party without saying goodbye to anyone. Neck tattoos: used to avoid people with them because they may be dangerous. Now I avoid them because I don’t want to hear about their vegan bicycle. CHOOSE YOUR

  • Life Hacks: Fatherhood of the Travelling Fanny Pack

    Life Hacks: Fatherhood of the Travelling Fanny Pack

    Any song improves exponentially when you replace “girl” with “squirrel” You’d think the nerds at Wizard World would be more open to me photobombing their Avengers pics as “Captain Phillips” but they weren’t. Especially when I told them that I was their captain now. I saw my shadow on Fathers Day, so it’s 6 more